Donut Get Old...
Part II
It’s a really nice day out, isn’t it? Its still early in the morning, the sun is shining through your bedroom window, and you can hear the squirrels outside your window scuttling about the backyard. Those little rascals, you think, they have their fun, don’t they? They’ve got those big fluffy tails, those cute rectangle teeth jutting out of their face, and they’ve got their nuts. But they don’t have donuts. They don’t even have bagels, or as you like to call them, diet donuts. When you really think about it, it makes you sad and reflective for all those squirrels, and for every other poor beast that God made too simple to understand the jelly donut, the cruller, or the bear claw (the sweet kind, not the dangerous kind, silly!). Maybe there is something you can do about that, too….
All these “what if’s” have got you thinking in pretzel knots! First, you got in your head the idea of living in your own personal don-utopia for the rest of life, never sharing the joys of the glaze with a single soul! Now that you think about all those squirrels, doggies, gophers and Chinese who have lived a sheltered, pastry-less life, you begin to want to help them. It was selfish of you to dream only about yourself, when there are so many who are in need!
You’ve made your mind up: you are gong to bring the rapture of donuts to the world! You will show every man, beast, and foreigner what it’s like to order a “munchkin” at a drive-thru window! Ah, you’ve made your mind up. Doesn’t it feel good to have a mission?
But you’re still worried about your job, wife, and kids, aren’t you? Well, let’s think about first things first- you need to get rid of that Roller Rink job. But you know the truth, it won’t be easy to quit. You’ve never been very good at confrontation, even since you were a little boy in grade school. Remember when Brandon Funston took your milk money one day, and you were too chicken to stand up for yourself? And what did you do? You ran him over with your papa’s tractor the very next day while he was walking to school, all because you couldn’t stand to face him again. Well you’re not going to shy away from confrontation anymore, because now you’re a man with a mission!
Let’s be honest, as long as there is a Roller Rink, you will have to work there, and as long as you work at the Roller Rink, you cannot go ahead with your mission. So really, the only option is to make the Roller Rink go away. But you are not a magician, you can’t just make the Roller Rink *poof* disappear. But don’t give up yet, you don’t want this to turn into another Brandon Funston Tractor fiasco. Hmm, tractor…that gives you an idea….
The tractor itself was easy enough to find. Behind your house there is a construction zone with all sorts of heavy machinery, and who’s going to notice one industrial tractor missing? The 200 gallons of gasoline and flamethrower were slightly more of a challenge, but there’s no need to recount that long and complicated story. The most important thing to worry about now, is carrying out the first phase of your plan: Operation Blow Up the Roller Rink. Tonight will be a perfect time for you to take action….
To be continued....
Part II
It’s a really nice day out, isn’t it? Its still early in the morning, the sun is shining through your bedroom window, and you can hear the squirrels outside your window scuttling about the backyard. Those little rascals, you think, they have their fun, don’t they? They’ve got those big fluffy tails, those cute rectangle teeth jutting out of their face, and they’ve got their nuts. But they don’t have donuts. They don’t even have bagels, or as you like to call them, diet donuts. When you really think about it, it makes you sad and reflective for all those squirrels, and for every other poor beast that God made too simple to understand the jelly donut, the cruller, or the bear claw (the sweet kind, not the dangerous kind, silly!). Maybe there is something you can do about that, too….
All these “what if’s” have got you thinking in pretzel knots! First, you got in your head the idea of living in your own personal don-utopia for the rest of life, never sharing the joys of the glaze with a single soul! Now that you think about all those squirrels, doggies, gophers and Chinese who have lived a sheltered, pastry-less life, you begin to want to help them. It was selfish of you to dream only about yourself, when there are so many who are in need!
You’ve made your mind up: you are gong to bring the rapture of donuts to the world! You will show every man, beast, and foreigner what it’s like to order a “munchkin” at a drive-thru window! Ah, you’ve made your mind up. Doesn’t it feel good to have a mission?
But you’re still worried about your job, wife, and kids, aren’t you? Well, let’s think about first things first- you need to get rid of that Roller Rink job. But you know the truth, it won’t be easy to quit. You’ve never been very good at confrontation, even since you were a little boy in grade school. Remember when Brandon Funston took your milk money one day, and you were too chicken to stand up for yourself? And what did you do? You ran him over with your papa’s tractor the very next day while he was walking to school, all because you couldn’t stand to face him again. Well you’re not going to shy away from confrontation anymore, because now you’re a man with a mission!
Let’s be honest, as long as there is a Roller Rink, you will have to work there, and as long as you work at the Roller Rink, you cannot go ahead with your mission. So really, the only option is to make the Roller Rink go away. But you are not a magician, you can’t just make the Roller Rink *poof* disappear. But don’t give up yet, you don’t want this to turn into another Brandon Funston Tractor fiasco. Hmm, tractor…that gives you an idea….
The tractor itself was easy enough to find. Behind your house there is a construction zone with all sorts of heavy machinery, and who’s going to notice one industrial tractor missing? The 200 gallons of gasoline and flamethrower were slightly more of a challenge, but there’s no need to recount that long and complicated story. The most important thing to worry about now, is carrying out the first phase of your plan: Operation Blow Up the Roller Rink. Tonight will be a perfect time for you to take action….
To be continued....
posted by Doug at 12:34 PM
1 Comments:
Donut Get Old: An Essay, by Lena Webb.
Metaphysics, physics, and metalurgy. Of all the sciences that no one wants to study, the author of "Donut Get Old" would probably choose to study metaphysics out of the three.
While the author frequently calls upon the imagery familiar to our everyday lives (The roller rink, the tractor, etc.), he seems preoccupied with the notion that one can escape ones ordinary existance via a hole in space.
That he mentions ordering a "munchkin" through a drive-thru window is surprising, as a "munchkin" would only serve to make inaccesible the "hole" in "space."
Ultimately, the author quite lyrically conveys the notion that the best way to destroy ones haunting past is to jump through that controversial "hole" in "space" and blow it up.
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