We here at the Meat Wallet believe in three things (today):
1. vomiting
2. vom-pile
3. the blessed union of vomit and blumpkins
Only on a day like today can a person wake up at 2:30 in the afternoon and not
feel like a miserable fuck. This is how old people must feel. Sitting around,
stationary farting, munching bran, whining about your deteriorating circulation.
So old that your balls dangle and stick to your leg like mashed potatoes on
the inside of an oven.
We still hate Southerners, with their flappy jowls and their toothpicks. fuck.
assholes. Lets gather them all up and throw them in those little mini-shacks behind every taco bell. The ones with good behavior (losing weight in their flap jowls) can move to the mini-shacks behind KFC or Arby's.
We'd like to take this opppurtunity to publicly thank Arby's for giving people worldwide the choice between curly fries and regular, classic fries. Its about time we as patrons of shitty fast food places were given some responsibility in our dining choices. Also, an order of fries is not singular. So don't say "I'll have a medium fry". Don't make us track down and stick a medium foot up your ass. Because we don't have anything better to do, and even if we did, we would do those things and then find time for your death.
Meat Wallet Inc. always has time for visiting violence upon idiots.
Furthermore, we here at Meat Wallet Inc., actively pursue at all times a state of slop filled inebriation. But we're still smarter and better in bed than you sober fucks. Our whiskey dicks are your boners! Fuck you.
Also, we firmly believe that lesbian sex is the exact physical equivalent to wheelchair
basketball. There's only one thing missing: a penis. And legs. But without those
necessities, there is freedom and chaos, namely going against god's rules.
Just a refresher.
God's Rules
1. vomit
2. keep vomiting, don't choke
3. always penis
4. no fat people*
5. diabetes
6. hypocritical drug use fosters good friendships, and hilarious interventions
7. there are people in cages, and animals in cages, but still, the fat roam free in this land*
8. women are treated as equals, but we know the truth
9. cuba gooding jr. is a shmoe, although his brother Omar is the new tony danza
10. tony danza is the old tony danza
* if one is developing fatness, he (not she) is not considered fat. They are considered
adorable. However, if you're female, you're fat and sinister.
No one can sing quite like Morrisey. But we ain't no soft-shoer's, you dig?
1. vomiting
2. vom-pile
3. the blessed union of vomit and blumpkins
Only on a day like today can a person wake up at 2:30 in the afternoon and not
feel like a miserable fuck. This is how old people must feel. Sitting around,
stationary farting, munching bran, whining about your deteriorating circulation.
So old that your balls dangle and stick to your leg like mashed potatoes on
the inside of an oven.
We still hate Southerners, with their flappy jowls and their toothpicks. fuck.
assholes. Lets gather them all up and throw them in those little mini-shacks behind every taco bell. The ones with good behavior (losing weight in their flap jowls) can move to the mini-shacks behind KFC or Arby's.
We'd like to take this opppurtunity to publicly thank Arby's for giving people worldwide the choice between curly fries and regular, classic fries. Its about time we as patrons of shitty fast food places were given some responsibility in our dining choices. Also, an order of fries is not singular. So don't say "I'll have a medium fry". Don't make us track down and stick a medium foot up your ass. Because we don't have anything better to do, and even if we did, we would do those things and then find time for your death.
Meat Wallet Inc. always has time for visiting violence upon idiots.
Furthermore, we here at Meat Wallet Inc., actively pursue at all times a state of slop filled inebriation. But we're still smarter and better in bed than you sober fucks. Our whiskey dicks are your boners! Fuck you.
Also, we firmly believe that lesbian sex is the exact physical equivalent to wheelchair
basketball. There's only one thing missing: a penis. And legs. But without those
necessities, there is freedom and chaos, namely going against god's rules.
Just a refresher.
God's Rules
1. vomit
2. keep vomiting, don't choke
3. always penis
4. no fat people*
5. diabetes
6. hypocritical drug use fosters good friendships, and hilarious interventions
7. there are people in cages, and animals in cages, but still, the fat roam free in this land*
8. women are treated as equals, but we know the truth
9. cuba gooding jr. is a shmoe, although his brother Omar is the new tony danza
10. tony danza is the old tony danza
* if one is developing fatness, he (not she) is not considered fat. They are considered
adorable. However, if you're female, you're fat and sinister.
No one can sing quite like Morrisey. But we ain't no soft-shoer's, you dig?
posted by Doug at 5:25 PM
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